Circus Story, Chapter 2
Notes: I am wondering about a couple things. If anyone is reading this and wants to help me out. I worry that the speaker is unclear. If it is confusing I would love some notes. I am also struggling with tense. Past and present tense are harder to balance than I anticipated. Again would love some feedback. This story is just for fun. Not saying that I often dreamed of running off and joining the circus, but maybe I did...anyway, would love to hear from you all. Thanks for reading.
Sharebear
Sharebear
Chapter 2:
The blaring of the alarm clock reached her ears making her stomach jump uncomfortably. Emily’s arm reached from under the quilt without opening her eyes, feeling its way across her nightstand and knocking down everything in the process. The crashing sound against the floor was painful so finally she gave up, pulling the quilt from over her head and squinting at the bright sun glowing across the yellow walls. She leaned over the edge of the bed and managed to slap the button on the clock that now rested on the floor. At least the red numbers were clear and appeared to be stationary. Judging by the pounding in her head, that was a significant difference from the night before.
She shifted herself out of bed and walked to the bathroom, still fogged by sleep as she stumbled. Flipping the switch on the wall she focused on making sure her eyes stayed carefully away from the mirror, learning long ago to ignore the obvious signs of her train wreck of a life. Ignorance was truly bliss in this case. She pulled her shirt over her head as the shower heated up, a scent filling her nose and forcing her thoughts to one clear picture. The image of brown eyes and a knowing smile. The feeling of brushed heat against her skin. She shivered, letting the shirt fall reluctantly to the floor as she stepped out of the rest of her clothing and into the shower. Her mind felt more muddled than it had before with the new pictures of auburn curls floating through. They made her breath stagger and she relied heavily on the hot water to clear the haze and make the fluttering in her nerves disappear.
By the time the water ran cold and she had wrapped herself in a towel she felt at ease again. An exception being made for the slight weakness in her stomach and the pressure in her head. Those were both alcohol induced and could be cured with light self-medicating and some coffee. It was just after 8 am and she was needed at the stables by 9 so she dressed quickly, settling on her regular tight jeans, high boots and a deep purple tank. She topped it off with a long-sleeve plaid button-up and pulled her damp hair into a sloppy pony-tail, grabbing her purse from the dresser and carefully avoiding the piece of paper that stuck out slightly from inside. A sickly moan sounded behind her, making her jump and slam her back into the dresser as she turned.
"Damnit!" She yelled, her eyes zeroing in on the movement on the window bench. Anna appeared from under a blanket with her hair plastered to her face. That girl was great for comedic relief, even if sometimes it was completely unintentional.
"Wow Anna, rough night?" She smiled. Anna groaned and sat up.
"Not too bad." She smiled weakly. It was hard to ever really put a damper on her optimism and that was because it was always heavily laced with sarcasm. "After you left with circus girl I had to deal with psychotic highschool-drama girl for another two hours and four Appletinis and call a cab! So thank you." She quipped.
"You would have called a cab with or without me." She pointed out. "Besides, wasn't it you that left me passed out in the car last time while you came back here and fell asleep in my bed?" She smiled and turned to the door. An escape from prying eyes was necessary but it could never be that easy.
"What? I was tired and you looked comfortable. Do you know what my hair would look like if I slept in the car?" She stressed. Her face saying that she needn't say more because her reasons were obvious.
"I'm assuming no better than it looks right now." She shot back, earning a well deserved frown from Anna. "Listen, I've gotta get to work but stop by later." Anna smiled again now, excitement appearing on her face.
"Definitely, because we are going to that circus!" She had a flicker to her eyes that meant she was testing the waters, unnecessarily so. Emily sighed and gave her an impatient stare over her shoulder as she moved through the doorway.
"So...about circus girl..." Anna called, her smile widening as she began her erratic assumptions. She would have to 'assume' all on her own.
"Bye Anna!" She called as she reached the stairs.
Emily didn't feel like dealing with her over-analyzing of small details that she was so unsure of herself. Small details like the way Alex smiled at her and how she held onto her as she walked her home. Small details like Alex's fingers through her hair or the way she knew her name so quickly. Such small irrelevant things that were only distracting her from where her focus needed to be. A glimmer of hope that would only send her tumbling to the ground when it disappeared. She had other things to worry about right now. Like finding a way to say goodbye to the only thing that had been a constant in her life for the last three years.
A tap sounded lightly at her door, moving her body into a panic as she reached quickly for the clock on the bedside table. It was 9 am. The knock sounded again making her groan.
"You're thirty minutes early Pete! I have an alarm clock, I don't need you!" Alex buried her face into her pillow. It helped considerably with the pain in her head and protected her sensitive eyes from the light streaming through the small window.
"Just checking." He called. "It sounded like you had a long night." His voice was full of sarcasm and sadly she knew why. She didn't reply though, instead she waited until she heard the open and close of the car door signaling his departure before she breathed again.
She did have a long night and she didn't want to remember it. At least not all of it. After she had left Emily she had come back and locked herself in her room with a bottle of whiskey from the common's bar. She had blasted songs of heartbreak and angst through the entire speaker system on the train and drowned herself until she couldn't remember a certain name, let alone her own name. She had ignored the annoyed pounding on her door and the protests to shut the music off. Eventually, sometime after midnight and thankfully around the same time she had forgotten her name, the music had died. Probably at the hands of one of the workers who had managed to unwire the audio system completely. She wasn't proud of it but she felt better afterwards. Until now of course. The rolling of her stomach told her it had been a mistake and that she would be paying the price for her recklessness all day.
After a quick shower she slipped into a pair of tight black pants and a white long-sleeved button up. She pulled the tall brown boots over her feet and zipped them up the length of her calf then turned to the mirror. Her hair had already begun to dry, forming the soft ringlets over her shoulders and the only evidence of her long night was in the slight smear of eyeliner under her eyes. She wiped it away quickly and replaced it with a new steady line of rich brown then added a clear gloss to her lips. Makeup wasn't her thing and even this small amount was for show only. She pushed through the door and into the hallway, leaving the red velvet behind along with the black satin top hat. She didn't need them just yet because right now... she had work to do.
Kicking the foot lock she pushed the side door open and was greeted with the warm morning air. The sun was just peeking up above the tree line and fading the last bits of sunset pink from the sky. People bustled by in every direction, heading to and from the cluster of tents a few hundred yards away. Mostly workers and the venders to the concession stands. Everyone else would be under the Big Top right now practicing and getting everything in place. She jumped down from the platform and closed the hatch behind her, beginning the walk over to the main grounds. Pete caught up with her halfway there and for a moment she felt bad for not slowing her pace for him. And then he decided to open is mouth and speak.
"So, you had a good night?" He chimed. She could feel the smirk on his face without even looking at him and it pissed her off.
"Yeah, it was great actually." She started. He must have caught on to the sarcasm in her voice because he fell back several steps behind her, as a precaution. "The part where you told me to go out and put this town behind me, and the part where I almost broke Jack's arm for grabbing my.."
"Whoa Alex." He interrupted. This made her stop and turn on him faster than he was expecting, judging by the look on his face.
"Oh no! I'm not done." She pointed her finger up at him. It would have been more intimidating if it weren't for the fact that he was twice her size. "How about the part where I ran into one of my reasons for leaving this town in the first place? And the part where I realized that her life is fucked up? Or when I forced myself not to care because there's nothing I can do about it? And you were present for my, middle of the night breakdown featuring whiskey and The Righteous Brothers, right?" She took a deep breath as he stood speechless in front of her. She could feel the stinging behind her eyes as her emotions got the best of her. He stepped closer.
"Alex.." he said softly, reaching for her. She brushed his hand away and stepped back automatically.
"I'm fine, okay?" She wiped her cheek automatically, checking for moisture that may have fallen but coming up empty. She turned away to continue her trek to the tent, calling over her shoulder as she walked away. "Can we just get this over with so we can leave please?"
It's hard sometimes, telling one emotion from another. It's so easy to get love confused with fear and anger confused with sadness. Sometimes you feel them so deeply that the lines seem blurry and crossed when in reality there is such a fine line between them. You forget they almost always surface together.
She wasn't angry with Pete, even though she had just about given him a heart attack. He was the closest thing to family she had and she loved him. She wasn't angry about being here either, she was sad. Sad because she had given up and run away and missed out on so many chances. She felt hopeless from losing time that she could never get back. All of those things brought forth different emotions. All of them made her angry enough to scream.
Suddenly the ground began spinning from the thoughts in her mind. The heavy amount of confusion. She wanted to say goodbye to this place and never look back again. Yet last night a tiny part of her, if only for a moment, wanted to stay. It shook her to the core and ripped the air from her chest because it terrified her. There was no doubt in her mind now that she wanted to leave but for that split second, somewhere between 'Mad World' and 'Iris', she was certain there was no way she could leave again. Her stomach churned uneasily as the aftermath of the night before began to surface. She staggered slightly, nearly tripping over an extension cord on the ground. Ready to accept the failure of her legs beneath her. Who would care anyways? She had been so close to this moment before and there was no chance of it surprising anyone around her. It was expected...even though it was unearned. What gave her the right to fall when Emily had clearly been through much worse?
Strong arms wrapped around her waist and steadied her carefully.
"Alex, you should go back and lay down for a few more hours." Pete said
"No, I'm okay." She shook her head.
"Alex." He said firmly. "It's my fault, okay? I told you to go out and try to have fun..." She shook her head again to stop him.
"No, you were right. I needed to put this town to rest and I have. Now I just want to leave." She insisted. The sad look in his eyes didn't fade with her reassurance, so she smiled weakly. "The whiskey though...I blame on you because that shit is disgusting and I know I didn't buy it." He smiled then.
"You don't like vodka either so what do you like?" She smiled and began stepping backwards.
"I never told you that I didn't like vodka." She smirked. "But right now I'd like coffee, do you need anything?" He shook his head.
"No I'm good. Don't get lost!"
She rolled her eyes as she turned and walked down the gravel road into town. Her feelings were so mixed and the alcohol still seemed to be playing a small part in that judging by the way the trees along the road were a little hazy around the edges. Everything became clearer by the time she reached The Brew. The smell of coffee and fresh pastries seemed to help.
The smell of dirt and hay filled Emily’s nose as the door swung shut behind her. The stables were empty...of people at least, and that was normal. There were several buildings on the grounds and this one was hers to look after. She inched forward towards a stall on her left, keeping her eyes cast to the ground as she opened the gate and closed it carefully behind her. She stayed there with her back to him for a few minutes as she tried to steady her breathing and the stinging behind her eyes.
Finally she turned when he nudged her shoulder lightly. Her eyes falling sadly on his deep eyes and the dark silk of his body. She could just make out the flecks of red in his hair in the fake lighting, but in the sun...he was midnight and flame. His name was Duke but she had little respect for a name given by owners that had abandoned him. The way he burned in the daylight reminded her of smouldering embers, and she always thought of him by that name instead. Ember. She kept her hands pressed tightly between her back and the gate, unable to bring herself to touch him.
Horses are extremely empathetic creatures. They have ways of healing the soul just by being close and an undying compassion caused by their inability to judge and hate. Such a far cry from people. The way they can replace an emptiness just from always being there when you need them. They won't let you down or break your heart, or leave you to pick up the pieces of your life for years after the fall. They stay. It's people who leave and people who take things away leaving you broken. It was people and their careless decisions that would be taking him away from her now.
She gasped as the pain cut through her chest. Her lungs caving in and forcing her to the ground and tears from her eyes. A sob caught in her throat painfully, making it hard for her to breathe as she sat crumpled against the straw covered floor. She let her head fall to her knees in defeat. Would there ever come a day that she could truly be happy again without the fear of losing it? When was it enough? She was young and healthy but her life had ended before it had even begun. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to really smile or laugh on her own and the only times she came close was when she was with Ember.
He stamped his foot into the ground, after a good twenty minutes of waiting on her to calm herself. She couldn't look at him. She wanted to but it would only hurt more and how much could she really take before she became broken beyond repair. She was so close to that point already. So close to hitting rock bottom and never being able to pull herself up. She needed to move before she couldn't anymore. She stood quickly and left the stall, letting the gate slam behind her and a breath escape her lungs again. She had the whole day to get through and she would be useless if she didn't pull herself together.
"Hey! Circus girl!" A voice called behind her. She grabbed her coffee from the counter and turned around to see the perky blonde juggling two cups of her own. Judging by the grin on her face...she didn't need two.
"Alex." She corrected, smiling as she adjusted the lid on her own cup, a reservation in her voice as she eyed her. "You're...Anna right?"
"Yeah." She replied. "So listen, thanks for walking Emily home last night."
"Yeah, of course." She smiled. "No problem." Anna nodded awkwardly.
"She gets restless when she drinks and sometimes it’s hard to keep tabs on her."
She felt her skin crawl at the careless tone in Anna's voice and her body tensed. Anger seemed to be boiling just under the surface today, keeping her on edge.
"It shouldn't be that hard." Alex retorted, raising her eyebrows as she took a drink of her coffee. It was too sweet.
Anna's smile faded a bit and her eyes squinted like she was looking for something in particular. Making sure that she wasn't missing the quick change in tone. It was clear that she wasn't missing anything. Alex cocked her head slightly under the scrutiny.
"What's wrong Anna?" She asked flatly, not that she cared for her answer. Anna's eyes sharpened.
"Emily is my best friend and she's been through a lot. I just want you to know that she doesn't need anyone using her and then skipping town." Anna's voice was much firmer now.
"No, you're right." She agreed. "She doesn't need that. She also doesn't need anyone enabling what I saw last night." There was more edge to her voice than she intended but the look on Anna's face told her that the point had been made. Her eyes softened before she continued and only because her thoughts had moved back to Emily. "I really hope everything works out for her."
She walked around Anna and pushed through the door. She couldn't wait to leave this town. All of their white picket fences and their backward ways of logic. Of course it would be seen as shady to walk a drunk girl home on a Friday night. And especially incriminating to leave immediately after she was safe inside. So much worse than the alternative of leaving her on the street in a pile of vomit. In retrospect the issue should lie with the one who was encouraging her behavior, not the one trying to protect her from it. Backwards logic. And again, none of her business anymore.
She tossed her coffee cup into the trash can near the tent, half empty due to an excess amount of sugar. She was such a hypocrite. At least Emily didn't drink alone in her bedroom. At least she had someone.
"Awwe...He's cute!" Anna said, leaning over the stall gate.
She picked up a bucket of feed and rolled her eyes because every time the horse inched towards Anna she would scream and jump back. At least she was looking at him. She hadn't been able to bring herself to walk by him all morning. Focusing all of her time and energy on every stall but his until finally it was the only one remaining. Her throat tightened as she carried the bucket to the gate, taking a deep breath and throwing it open. She dumped the food in his bowl then turned to look at him. Instantly her hands dropped the bucket and found themselves running up his nose and across his jaw then numbly into his mane. An instinct that she couldn't fight and a dire need that was time sensitive.
"Em, what's wrong?" Anna asked, stepping freely inside stall. She wiped her eye on the sleeve of her shirt and laughed it off lightly.
"Nothing." She sighed, picking up the empty bucket and edging around Anna. She had to get out of here and she was done for the day so anywhere but here would be perfect.
"Em, I know we don't talk a lot when I come visit and I'm sorry. But you can talk to me."
"There's really nothing to talk about. I'm fine." She gave her a reassuring smile then did the only thing she knew how to do. "So, I'm done here. Do you still want to go to that circus?" She changed the subject. Anna didn't seem to buy any of it but she humored her anyway. She didn't have a choice. Poor girl had learned long ago not to press certain issues and she was always grateful for that.
Her stomach became uneasy on the drive back to her house. She pulled the circus flyer from her purse and unfolded it. A flutter forming in her chest as she stared at the picture. She moved it closer to her face to read the small print on the bottom.
"We missed the 3 o'clock show but there's another one at 6." She stated. Anna scoffed in the driver's seat. She set the paper down in confusion and turned to her. "I thought you wanted to go?" She pressed. Anna shifted uncomfortably in her seat, ignoring her intentionally. "Anna, what's wrong?"
"Am I a bad friend?" Anna asked, a frenzy in her voice.
"What? No! Why would you ask me that?" Emily's confusion increased. Anna looked away sheepishly as she pulled into the driveway and put the car in park.
"I ran into circus girl this morning at The Brew..."
"Alex." She corrected automatically. She felt the flutter quicken as the name left her lips but she looked at Anna, waiting for her to continue.
"Whatever. Anyways, I may have insinuated that she had the wrong intentions for taking you home."
She stared at her blankly. It took a moment but...her heart dropped when she realized what Anna meant by 'intentions'. She didn't even have the words to reply or a way to hide the flush from her cheeks and the shock from her mind. Instead she threw open the door and climbed out storming to the front porch. Her skin was burning and each step weakened her knees. Anna was right on her heels.
"Emily!"
She stopped abruptly and whipped around to face her.
"You're not a bad friend Anna! Is that what you need to hear?" She snapped. "I'm not going to get drunk and sleep with the first girl I meet! And so what if I did? So what if I thought about it? She walked me home, Anna. She said goodnight at my door. I don't need you protecting me!" Anna's face reddened as she stepped forward.
"Actually you do! Because I have been a horrible friend. I've been here just watching you give up and even joining in the process!" Anna took a deep breath to calm her voice. "I want you to be happy Em, and you're not."
"I know I'm not happy Anna, I don't need you to tell me that. But it's not up to you to fix things for me. I just need you to be here for me."
"Em, I'm trying to be here for you but I haven't been doing a very good job."
She looked to the ground, letting her eyes fall closed for a moment as she forced a deep breath. Her words were hardly a whisper. She knew a lot about how messed up she had become, she even accepted it all freely. She knew a lot about pain and loss. Pain from years ago that honestly didn't even hurt so much anymore. She had just gotten so used to the feeling of it. So far away from feeling anything good that over time she had lost the desire to even try or want. But she wanted the knowledge that only Anna had at the moment. "What did she say?"
Anna sighed heavily and stepped closer. "She called me out and I deserved it. She was angry and concerned and she's right. I shouldn't be aiding any of this."
A warmth moved through her veins as the flutter increased in her stomach. She focused carefully on steady the pounding in her chest and the trembling that appeared in her fingertips. It was amazing how quickly anger could dissolve. Alex had given a second thought to her and that was amazing by itself. Especially after her drunken behavior and the kicking of trash cans. It was even more amazing that she voiced her thoughts to Anna. But now she felt embarrassed and stupid for always being so reckless and for taking things out on Anna that were her own fault.
"I've gotten really good at hurting myself without any help from you. You're a great friend and the only one that's been here for me. But...you don't need to protect me from anyone because I'm pretty good at screwing things up on my own."
Anna closed the gap and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her close. She squeezed her tightly and rested her chin on her shoulder, wanting to make things as close to right as she could manage at the moment.
"So, the 6 o'clock show then?" She asked.
Anna laughed and pulled away. She was the biggest kid sometimes. Her heart was always in the right place and she was always there for her. In fact, she couldn't remember an instance when Anna had ever let her down. She was the one letting Anna down, and herself. She knew it was true and had no problems saying it out loud, but it didn't mean she knew how to change it or if she even could at this point. Part of her wanted to spare Anna. To tell her to leave and stop visiting. To stop wasting her time by coming here and being a friend when she was incapable of being a friend back. To be the one to protect Anna by allowing her to move on with her life. She deserved better than the mess Emily had made of herself.
The air was warm and dusty as they pulled into the parking lot and climbed from the car. Large canvas tents of every color were scattered across the grounds and kids ran screaming and giggling around their parent's feet. A heavy scent of fried food and sugar filled the air. She stopped by the hood, leaning into metal. The heat felt good against the back of her knees as a cool breeze brushed across her skin.
She hadn't known what to wear to this kind of thing. The only clothing she imagined when she thought of the circus was circa 1930's, and she didn't have much to choose from. So, she settled on a thin strapped sundress in a light coral made of eyelet lace and a pair of white ballet flats that Anna had let her borrow last year. Her hair stayed simple, falling in waves over her shoulders.
"This is so awesome!" Anna grinned, leaning on the hood beside her. She nodded in agreement.
It was breathtaking. The colors and the music. The warm smell of sugar and the sound of animals calling. It was exotic and exciting and all of the sudden, she felt terrified. She was obviously going to see Alex. She was on the flyer so she must have a part in the show. All she could think about were the blurry images of the previous night. The brush of her arm outside the bar and the smile on her face as she talked to the waitress behind the counter. The horrific crime she had committed against her boots and the way her fingers slid lightly into her hair. She had made a complete ass out of herself not to mention Anna had attacked her. Maybe this was another bad idea.
"Alright people let's go!" She shouted, clapping her hands together, breaking apart the circle of their routine pep-talk. Pete ran up beside her as everyone scattered in different directions behind the curtains. Some clowns managed to trip over a pile of crates. She cringed but they all laughed and began their usual habit of prancing around and pushing each other over again.
"Come on guys, go! God, do you ever stop messing around? It's a job not a lifestyle and you're all expendable!" She snapped.
"Alex! Hey, take a break for a minute. You've been nonstop for the last six hours." Pete was always telling her to cool it when they both knew there was plenty of work to do.
"Listen, if you want my job then you're gonna have to do better than that." She began working her way through the maze of fabric as he followed behind, multitasking by taking head counts behind each curtain and jotting down numbers on a clipboard. "Besides I'll sit down and relax when we're back on the train in the morning. Until then I have too much to do."
"It's a job not a lifestyle, Alex." He retorted.
She froze looking down at the chart in her hand and frowning, studying it for a moment. "On second thought," she said, slapping the clipboard into his hand. "You can find Mary and make sure she has a bra on. There are children here." She smiled and pushed past him through the back of the tent. That was one job she didn't want to do.
The cool air brushed across her cheek, blowing her hair from her neck. She sat on top of a large bale of hay beside a tall stack of wooden crates. She was shielded by them, in a small area that was enclosed for breaks from working, but she could still hear the excited bustle of people walking just on the other side.
She grabbed a bottle of water from a cooler laying on the ground beside her. She hadn't stopped to breathe all day and the night before was still causing a pressure in her head. The cold water ran down her throat, soothing a dryness she hadn't even noticed before now. She barely had time to enjoy it before a sound sent her into a coughing fit and she began choking on the liquid. So much for it being a refreshing experience. She froze in her place, listening for the sound again.
She didn't know how she had managed to pick it out of the crowd the first time but again, there it was. A laugh. Light and happy and it was moving closer. She smiled to herself when she heard it. It was a far cry from the sadness she had heard the night before and she couldn't help but be happy just from getting to experience it. Even if it wasn't meant for her. A static sound came from a radio clipped to her waist. Reaching for it she held in the talk button and waited for the silence.
"Ten minutes until call." She said, placing the lid back on the water bottle and moving silently back into the tent, Emily's laugh faded behind her.
"So what does circus girl do? Trapeze or maybe a tiger trainer?" Anna was nearly bouncing in the seat beside her.
"I don't know Anna." She said impatiently. Her eyes were too busy darting around at everyone that passed by. She didn't know what Alex's role was in all of this, in fact she couldn't remember if she had even asked. The night was fuzzy and all she knew was that she probably owed her a new pair of boots and cab fare for walking her home. She wanted to see her but a bigger part of her didn't want to be seen. All she had was the tingling in her skin and the memory of the scent on her shirt.
"You don't think she's a clown do you? Because she didn't seem very funny this morning and I already don't like clowns." Anna sighed. She shook her head and was beyond replying to a word Anna said at this point.
The lights dropped down suddenly and Anna squeaked beside her. A low hum sounded through the speakers and the crowd whispered excitedly. She looked up to see the deep red of the tent dimly lit by tiny strands of sparkling lights. It was beautiful and magical and ended quickly as a voice sounded over the speakers, sending chills down her spine in the darkness. Her breath stopped and she was positive her heart did too.
"Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me!" Anna said, loud enough to elicit some ugly looks from the married couple in front of her. She stared them down until they turned back around in their seats. The voice was familiar and as the spotlight appeared on the center ring Anna spit her drink back into her cup and because it was through a straw...it was unsuccessful. The woman in front of her barely escaped. She nudged Emily's arm but it didn't phase her. She had lost all train of thought the moment she heard that voice in the darkness and now that she saw Alex...she knew she might never be able to think straight again. No pun intended...unless it’s what you prefer.
Anna was silent beside her. Her mouth hanging half-open for a moment before she turned to whisper. "Okay now I feel like a bitch." She breathed. "Why couldn't she walk me home?"
Emily managed a weak nod in agreement. "Yeah Anna, you officially suck as a friend." She whispered.
Her eyes glided slowly over Alex's body as she moved through the streams of spotlight. She was saying something but all she could hear was a loud ringing in her ears.
"Em, if I liked girls..." Anna started.
"Shhhhh." Emily whispered, halfheartedly nudging her. She could see the deepness of her brown eyes from here, and the red tint to her long waves. She sighed as she noticed the familiar brown boots that ran up the length of her calves. Black pants clung tightly to her legs but that's not where her focus was. It was on the crushed red velvet jacket with gold buttons and the black satin top hat that rested on her head.
"Shit..." She breathed.
The woman from the couple in front of them turned around to glare again. Anna was on it immediately.
"What?" She snapped throwing her hand in Alex's direction. "Your husband is staring at her too. Glare at him!" The woman turned around reluctantly and left Anna just shaking her head at nothing.
Her knuckles were white as she gripped the edge of her seat, finally relaxing as the lights shifted into colors. She wiped the sweat from her palms on her dress and watched as Alex backed out of the ring towards her, leaving a cluster of acrobats that were beginning their climb up a rope ladder and a parade of characters filling out through a curtain.
Alex walked back to the curtain in the corner near the exit and grabbed a clipboard and a bottle of water. A tall man walked up behind her and whispered in her ear. Even in the darkness she could see the smirk on her face as she whispered back. Her eyes never left the clipboard except to glance above once at the performers now swinging overhead. And while watching Alex, she realized that she had never felt so wrong about what she was feeling.
There were many parts Alex could have played in this circus but for some reason...Ringmaster was the only one that hadn't crossed her mind. And now it all suddenly made sense. Like a spotlight coming up on her mind. Her charming personality and her friendly eyes. Her job was to entertain and please people, but that didn't mean Alex really cared about her. She was just a potential customer and now she felt stupid for the flutter that still refused to disappear from her stomach. Even with her thoughts being clear, the butterflies lingered. And the more she sat here watching her, the greater the chance of her falling apart.
"I'm gonna go get something to drink." She said, leaving Anna behind to watch with the rest of the spectators. Suddenly the tent was too stuffy for breathing to come easy.
Unfortunately there was only one way out and that meant walking by the person she wanted to avoid most. Even though she tried she couldn't keep herself from walking by without looking at her and doing that only resulted in the complete closure of her airway. Because she was met with the warm eyes that were watching her intently as she moved.
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