Gender is Complicated
This is just going to be a rant. Hopefully it doesn't come across uneducated. If anyone has feedback or would like to share feelings or thoughts. I am all ears.
So I was born female. I have for the majority of my life thought of myself as female. It never occured to me that there was any other option or that I could feel any other way.
Story time, about 3 years ago I cut my hair. Since then I have kept it short. Also, I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) so I grow facial hair stupid fast. Like 5 o'clock shadow level fast. Those are not the reasons I am questioning my gender. I understand that people see me and think man. I mean sort of. I still have boobs and hips, but whatever. My point is I get misgendered a lot. It kind of bothered me in the beginning, because I do not think I look like a man. I still don't actually, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. I don't feel like a man, but to say I always feel like a woman does not feel right either. *sigh*
Back on point. I hadn't met many transgender or non-binary people before moving to Denver. After having met some, having many discussions, and doing a lot more research...I feel very different about gender. Specifically how I see myself. I used to feel very much like I was a woman and could not imagine myself any other way. I only ever wished to be a guy so that it would be socially acceptable to be with women, but not in a penis envy sort of way.
This is about as clear as it feels in my brain. They and them do not feel right. Neither does he or she. Every designation feels off. I feel I should say, I am not unhappy with myself. My body is just fine. Do I wish I had less facial hair? Yes. Mostly because I hate the way it feels on my face. I shave my legs for the same reason. Feels good. Not because I have to....The face maybe because I feel like I have to. I don't really know how I want to be seen anymore. Part of me wants to grow the stupid beard out. I bet I would make a pretty handsome fella. ;)
If I am honest I have this same problem with my sexuality. In the event I find myself attracted to someone their gender is not the biggest factor. I think I have stayed away from men because of traumatic experience more than lack of interest in them. A friend posed these questions to me. Is genitalia the issue? Do you not want to be with men because you are turned off by a penis? Fair question. I think the honest answer is that I have no problem with men physically. In fact even in women I like masculine traits. My problem is how men tend to act. Which is not fair. Men are just as complicated as women and I have let fear dictate my actions for a very long time.
I feel I am bisexual and non-binary. I also think that it will be insanely difficult to explain this to the people in my life. Not all of them. I have some amazing and helpful friends who have really helped me to see my value and have made me feel safe enough to explore all that is me.
I think I will have to work on my presentation and understanding of facts. I am sort of afraid that by allowing myself to explore feelings for men I will have to deal with a lot more things that I have been avoiding for quite some time. This might be a topic for another day.
This is a lot to share. So I might call this good for now. I am sure there will be much more on this topic later. Thanks for reading.
Sharebear
So I was born female. I have for the majority of my life thought of myself as female. It never occured to me that there was any other option or that I could feel any other way.
Story time, about 3 years ago I cut my hair. Since then I have kept it short. Also, I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) so I grow facial hair stupid fast. Like 5 o'clock shadow level fast. Those are not the reasons I am questioning my gender. I understand that people see me and think man. I mean sort of. I still have boobs and hips, but whatever. My point is I get misgendered a lot. It kind of bothered me in the beginning, because I do not think I look like a man. I still don't actually, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. I don't feel like a man, but to say I always feel like a woman does not feel right either. *sigh*
Back on point. I hadn't met many transgender or non-binary people before moving to Denver. After having met some, having many discussions, and doing a lot more research...I feel very different about gender. Specifically how I see myself. I used to feel very much like I was a woman and could not imagine myself any other way. I only ever wished to be a guy so that it would be socially acceptable to be with women, but not in a penis envy sort of way.
This is about as clear as it feels in my brain. They and them do not feel right. Neither does he or she. Every designation feels off. I feel I should say, I am not unhappy with myself. My body is just fine. Do I wish I had less facial hair? Yes. Mostly because I hate the way it feels on my face. I shave my legs for the same reason. Feels good. Not because I have to....The face maybe because I feel like I have to. I don't really know how I want to be seen anymore. Part of me wants to grow the stupid beard out. I bet I would make a pretty handsome fella. ;)
If I am honest I have this same problem with my sexuality. In the event I find myself attracted to someone their gender is not the biggest factor. I think I have stayed away from men because of traumatic experience more than lack of interest in them. A friend posed these questions to me. Is genitalia the issue? Do you not want to be with men because you are turned off by a penis? Fair question. I think the honest answer is that I have no problem with men physically. In fact even in women I like masculine traits. My problem is how men tend to act. Which is not fair. Men are just as complicated as women and I have let fear dictate my actions for a very long time.
I feel I am bisexual and non-binary. I also think that it will be insanely difficult to explain this to the people in my life. Not all of them. I have some amazing and helpful friends who have really helped me to see my value and have made me feel safe enough to explore all that is me.
I think I will have to work on my presentation and understanding of facts. I am sort of afraid that by allowing myself to explore feelings for men I will have to deal with a lot more things that I have been avoiding for quite some time. This might be a topic for another day.
This is a lot to share. So I might call this good for now. I am sure there will be much more on this topic later. Thanks for reading.
Sharebear
Hopefully this comment doesn't conflict too greatly with your interpretation of the aforementioned or come across as offensive.
ReplyDeleteI had never given any thought to the etymology or meaning of the word gender until I was forced to enroll in an Anthropology course during college. It was during this course that the instructor referred my class to a portion in the textbook. The textbook very clearly defined the word gender to mean "the stereotypes applied to a given sex". That was it. The definition was clearly stated as meaning nothing more than stereotypes. How horrifying it was to learn that a word had been defined based upon stereotypes alone.
The literal meaning of the word gender is no different than the literal definition of racism - and this is a very dangerous bait to take, but think about it for a minute. How is applying a set of stereotypes to chromosomes any better than that of a person's color of skin (also determined by their chromosomal composition).
What was the intention? Apparently, the etymology of the word can be traced to the Anthropology community needing a way to document their observations while interacting with foreign groups that they were studying.
It has since been misappropriated by the LGBT community to give non-conformists an identity. In a lot of ways this offers support to people who don't wish to identify with the general public, but in more ways I would consider it to be highly detrimental to, and undermining the work of, feminists who have fought for decades to break the stereotypes of women.
For example, consider a woman in the early nineteen hundreds who chose to work outside her home. This conflicted strongly against social norms. Should she then have been considered male in gender? Feminists were able to embrace this movement during WWI, and now women working outside their home would be considered the norm.
So, which stereotypes are applicable to the concept of gender? What percentage of stereotypes must be followed or rejected in order for a person to reject their gender? Psychologists have since attempted to quantify this, but is it ethical or even logical?
Even if it can be argued that social norms and stereotypes vary greatly between communities of people spanning time and geographical locations, is it wise to perpetuate any word that further encourages any set of stereotypes? Personally I do not consider one's gender identity to be progressive, rather just the opposite. It impairs society's ability to move forward.
So... your comments I found to be very interesting,and never looked at the actual definition of the word "Gender" which was fascinating. But I feel it neglects the biology of human development and historical/economic context, relying on etymology which is something that came about after gender roles became founded in different societies.
ReplyDeleteNow... I don't know how to put this without offending someone... and I'm very open to discussion, but this is something I been thinking about a lot regarding gender stereotypes and "roles". Sexual dimorphism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_dimorphism
Basically, to my understanding, animals that look the same,take on similar roles, example: care for the children the same, as well as gathering food, etc. Animals that look different take on different roles regarding child baring, food gathering, etc.
My point simply being humans regarding birth genders look different. regarding size, weight, hair, etc. We're in no way as varied as let say the walrus which can have a staggering difference in weight and tusk size for defense. But different none the less.
This is no way saying women need to do (insert woman joke) and men do (insert man joke). It is simply stating humans, look different. Therefore within each social group role have been assigned to them to fit that gender group in that society. As these roles become less important to a societies preservation "gender" identity in my mind gets more muddled.
But stereotypes to me are apart of our biological foundation. They are used to reinforce and understand a persons "role" within society. And with the society modernizing, and the economical need for a dual income household become not only beneficial but mandatory, role will keep changing. But there will remain stereotypes separating the two genders due to our foundation as human beings apart of the animal kingdom.
How a person falls into, or feels about these stereotypes is totally separate of my rant, but should be respected, but I believe these stereotypes exist from a deep biological foundation within our societies around earth.
What's in a name?
ReplyDeleteI was considering responding with a post about Michael Jackson, but opted against it. :-)
I would agree that the human form is nothing more than the situational and environmental factors acting upon the genetic composition of any being; however, I'm not sure I'm convinced that any one factor can be the cause of any role or stereotype.
Would it hypothetically be possible to computationally predict the outcome of a person given their genetic code and applying algorithms to determine the results, accounting for any combination of environmental or situational factors? Yes, it may be possible, but the combination of factors would be so numerous that it would require a platform as large as the planet itself in order to reconstruct.
Are there attributes associated with any variance in the alleles of a person's chromosomes? Of course, that is what the body uses as a blueprint to dictate who you are. But associating any behavior to any one factor neglects to account for the person as a whole.
Sexual dimorphism as it relates to behavioral differences is interesting, but are we sure we aren't confusing causation and effect?
Sure this group of people may carry [insert stereotype here], but does that mean other people from another group will not?
It may be useful to think of a person's inheritance of their chromosomes as a jar full of colored marbles. The inheritance of a marble of your color of choice may influence how large, hairy, etc. the person is, but does it change the color of the marble (or other marbles) in the jar?
People share the commonality of living as the human form, and more similarities than difference exist between people. If you limit a control group to any group of people and look for similarities within the group, you will find them. Does this mean more similarities exist within the control group than with others? Maybe, but not necessarily.
Obviously, various social norms exist across cultures, so to which social norms would a person in your geographical region compare yourself? Would you compare yourself to the microcosm in which you live, compare the social norms you follow to that of your ethnic background, or compare social norms at large (if that's even possible)?
Back to the marble analogy: I still feel like the problem lies within the expectations associated with the inheritance of a marble of any given color. I'm not sure a label really changes anything.
I think the label changes how you feel about yourself and how you want others to see you. To stick with your jar of marbles idea. Imagine you could choose the color or shape of the jar or you could add sand or water so that certain bits blurred or where covered completely. I think that would affect the way you interact with the world and they way it interacts with you.
ReplyDeleteMy main concern the reason I think about at all...is how others see me and in what way will I be the happiest about it.
For example: I seem to carry myself in a way that suggests I work everywhere that I am. If I am at the zoo, I look like the kind of person that knows where the bathroom is. If I am in the store I look like the kind of person who will help you get something or point you where the item you are looking for is. Even when I am walking with headphones in I have been stopped and asked for directions or help. What about me makes me look or feel safe enough that people will trust me just on sight? I think about this a lot.
I am of the opinion that my lack of gender helps me to be safe to many types of people. I come across as non threatening to women and non challenging to men. These assumptions are very superficial and these people could be wrong about me, but they aren't. I would of course help you find your way if I could. I would pull something heavy down from a shelf if you needed me to. The question is how did these people (strangers) know this about me from look?
I also find myself concerned with safety. Denver feels safer in many ways then most places I have lived. IF I were to push my masculine side just a bit further...I wonder if it would make me feel more or less safe? I honestly don't know. I am not worried about people I know. I have found some great people who seems to care about me regardless of how I look.
Right...The point. I don't know. It feels like it matters and it feels like I should care...so I am going to keep thinking about it and exploring myself and my feelings.
I'm UNKNOWN Above (couldn't figure out how to post without it linking to my work email.)
ReplyDeleteI think it becomes difficult to debate the merit of labels when one falls into the social structure norms, or at least a good few of them. When a person feels they are further and further from the social norm labels become more apparent. If someone is Cis (Gender), (Birth Gender) identified, sexual oriented as straight (Social norm in the US at least), and personality following the social expectation of their gender. They won't feel the need to use labels since the society expectations already thrust upon them the labels they fit.
But what I get from Sharebear is that they are starting to feel gender norms that they identify with shifting in their persona and a reevaluation is starting to take place.
I personally fall into most of the norms of what's expect of my gender, and have never felt the burden to prove who I am to a stranger. When a person looks at me, they know my gender identity and cis gender pretty easily. I don't get miss-gendered when I go into a store, or cafe, I've had people ask me if I enjoy the same sex, but not out of confusion, but out of attraction towards me. I've lived in gender privilege away from needing to label myself.
Only in the growing alternative society have I felt the need to identify, but I also feel like a poser when all my answers fall on the social norm. Almost as if labels are for the people that feel out of place within societies norms, but then I know this is because I am already labeled by societies social expectation and labels.
PS I don't understand the Michael Jackson reference.