Waking Nightmare
Nobody cares about other people's dreams. Not really. You will listen politely and agree that it is weird that they dreamed about fighting the rabbit from Monty Python. You will share your dreams with others too, not because they care but because sometimes you just have to share it. Then you can forget it and move on.
Nightmares are a different beast. People might talk about a scary dream with a killer clown or invading bears...but I have found that most people don't want to talk about their real nightmares...I am going to try in hopes that I will feel less afraid and can move on.
I wasn't sure how to explain this thing that happened. I wasn't asleep. At least I don't think I was. I was sad and scared laying on my bedroom floor. I don't remember laying down. All of my things are packed, because I am moving in a few days. Not a safe space, just the space that I am in. I can't move. I am one hundred percent sure that if I move...something bad will happen. I should call someone...anyone, but I can't. It's not a day to bother people. Better to stay on the floor. Better to be alone. Better to hurt alone. No one else should be this sad.
I look at my arm...I can see the blue veins. It is almost like I can see my life flowing through them. I think about the air I'm trying to breath making the blood go from blue to red. Feels like a waste. I stare at it so long...I imagine the red blood, it's everywhere...I try to shake the image...with effort, I look at my other arm and see the memory of my sister. I should call her, please call her...I try to reach for my phone...it's right there...but I can't...It's like it is going to shock me if I touch it...I have to stay still, every muscle is tight as I fight to move and not move at the same time.
I get tired of fighting and I feel a tear on my face. I start sobbing, all the pent up feelings exploding out of me...can't breath...I continue to fight the urge to move. Moving is bad, moving means pain or worse. Better to stay still...I only think about breathing until the tears stop...breathing is still hard, the blood is still flowing in my arm...I can see it...I remember the small knife sitting on the bookshelf...I tense at the thought...Don't move...Don't move...you know what will happen if you move...
The thought passes... I breathe, my body and head both hurt...I keep breathing...The pain is good. It is a living pain...pain I can understand.
I move...because I have to right? Can't just lay around all day. Things to finish. Still need to clean. I pick up my phone...I should call someone...It's too late now. I am okay and what would I say anyway? I am shaking and breathing heavy. I look around the packed up bedroom and then walk out of it. Feeling like I just woke up from a nightmare...I wasn't asleep.
Nobody cares about other people's dreams. No one wants to share their nightmares.
Sorry,
Sharebear
Nightmares are a different beast. People might talk about a scary dream with a killer clown or invading bears...but I have found that most people don't want to talk about their real nightmares...I am going to try in hopes that I will feel less afraid and can move on.
I wasn't sure how to explain this thing that happened. I wasn't asleep. At least I don't think I was. I was sad and scared laying on my bedroom floor. I don't remember laying down. All of my things are packed, because I am moving in a few days. Not a safe space, just the space that I am in. I can't move. I am one hundred percent sure that if I move...something bad will happen. I should call someone...anyone, but I can't. It's not a day to bother people. Better to stay on the floor. Better to be alone. Better to hurt alone. No one else should be this sad.
I look at my arm...I can see the blue veins. It is almost like I can see my life flowing through them. I think about the air I'm trying to breath making the blood go from blue to red. Feels like a waste. I stare at it so long...I imagine the red blood, it's everywhere...I try to shake the image...with effort, I look at my other arm and see the memory of my sister. I should call her, please call her...I try to reach for my phone...it's right there...but I can't...It's like it is going to shock me if I touch it...I have to stay still, every muscle is tight as I fight to move and not move at the same time.
I get tired of fighting and I feel a tear on my face. I start sobbing, all the pent up feelings exploding out of me...can't breath...I continue to fight the urge to move. Moving is bad, moving means pain or worse. Better to stay still...I only think about breathing until the tears stop...breathing is still hard, the blood is still flowing in my arm...I can see it...I remember the small knife sitting on the bookshelf...I tense at the thought...Don't move...Don't move...you know what will happen if you move...
The thought passes... I breathe, my body and head both hurt...I keep breathing...The pain is good. It is a living pain...pain I can understand.
I move...because I have to right? Can't just lay around all day. Things to finish. Still need to clean. I pick up my phone...I should call someone...It's too late now. I am okay and what would I say anyway? I am shaking and breathing heavy. I look around the packed up bedroom and then walk out of it. Feeling like I just woke up from a nightmare...I wasn't asleep.
Nobody cares about other people's dreams. No one wants to share their nightmares.
Sorry,
Sharebear
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